Okay, let me just share my shame once more.
After the failures of last week I felt overly horny, couldn't stop thinking about porn and sex, actually after the dry fap of my last post, I sort had a premature ejaculation after just a few seconds of seeing some lewd, this really got me worried.
I was still overly sensitive and kept dreaming of lewd thoughts, there was also this game I really wanted to try (an Hrpg). So I sort of gave myself to this on saturday, a planned failed, another farewell to this degeneracy, I knew I have to completely drop it eventually, so I spent 8+ hours playing it, and sort of edging for a long time.
On one hand I felt good because I managed to control myself for the whole, even letting my dick feel hurt from all of that, and eventually orgasming on my own terms, on the other hand it also felt bad, because the game turned out to be shit, even though it was one of best in what I was used to. So the lesson here is that really I'm getting grown out of this stuff, I can't find satisfaction anymore, time to leave it be as something of my past, and I hope can let go of pornography in general as well.
So now I'm in for new long streak, I feel its gonna be hard because I'm still daily troubled by erections and lewd memories, the worst thing at moment is really reminiscing of that sweet sexy times of intimacy I had with past lovers, this is not only the hardest thing to let go, but one that also saddens my heart, since it involves real felling with real people I miss. Report back soon, hopefully with good news.