<Data, I'm um, really sorry about that. I uh, didn't know you were coming home
<May I ask you a question, Lieutenant Barclay?
<I uh, I guess?
<Lieutenant, when you were…making love…to my mother, did you find that she was an attentive, good lover?
<Ummmm…I, I, I uh, guess yes, yes, sir
<Did she spit on your penis?
<I have been running simulations of my mother having sex with Dr Soongh, in an effort to better understand human reluctance to envision their parents engaging in reproduction. Based on my simulation, I believe that despite her outward appearance as a scholar and intellectual, she would desire to appear, 'dirty' and 'aggressive' when performing oral sex. To that end, I forecast a 76% chance she spit on your genitals before attempting to put your testicles on her uvula.
<w-w-w-w-we didn't um didn't do anything um, oral.
<Oh. I see. When you were penetrating her, did you put it, as they say, in the pink, or in the sti-
<I really must be going, commander, um…it's um, it's very cold in this hallway and I'm um…
<Oh right, you are still naked. I will continue the discussion with Dr. Tainer, and write the notes in my log. Dismissed.
<T-thank you sir.