I can't take this much longer. I don't know how to get help. is therapy going to help? I haven't really surfaced this until relatively later in my life. but the entire reason i live, the only thing i want out of this life is a lg.
i can't take it.
recently i tried to get help and it ruined me
i can't take it anymore. i fucking can't
everything about lg's. it's a fucking game. this whole world revolves around sex trafficking little kids. it's the game we play against eachother. and if we aren't winning we just cope with whatever meaningless bullshit we spin ourselves into.
i hate seeing these precious little things. i hate them. every last one of them.and i waited to long. i simply fucking waited too long while all the purety was being taken up by people smarter than me. people that knew how to break the rules.
i felt like i had my hands tied behind my back. for a lot of reasons. i wish i got off when i was the right age. but i fucked up. i waited too long. it was against my beliefs. but i was tricked into those beliefs
i seriously can't take this anymore. i've never thought about ending it so many times.
I'm not strong enough to win at this game.
and i'll be trapped in this life until the end of my days. trapped in agony. always fighting this. or trapped in jail.
i don't know what's real anymore.
I know how the world works. power. not morality.
i can't even focus anymore.
i have no support. my only sexual outlet is pushing me away.
i can't do this anymore.
the ironic part is that I have been reaching greater and greater levels in my research. just when i'm about to be successful in my career and research, these demons surface. and it doesn't matter how grand my ideas are, even if they are capable of changing the world. i'll always be disgusting filthy pedo. and i can't bullshit people out of that. it's plastered to my name.
I've always wanted pure love. and i kept holdiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.